Friday, June 30, 2006
drifting.
drifting. drifting. feels like im in another place in another time. ive been so caught up with the things going on here, that i fail to remember the things i have back there. call me stupid, call me b*tch. but i guess im not just strong enough to hold on any longer... when i arrived here, i was happy, contented, or i guess half-complete. i encountered almost everything during the summer. i faced the time wherein i have to risk it all, i opened up myself to a new possibility. a possibility to be at least happy in this part of my life. my feelings for him was "i guess" strong. because i cant stop myself from thinking about him, a first time that i thought about someone besides my "friend". i proved his feelings for me since last year. the first time he courted me, i was afraid that distance might be the largest obstacle i have conquer. i was afraid that things might rough up when i get here. because cebu and college was a whole new life for me. so i decided not to give in. since then we became good textmates. we hook up with each other's lives, i never failed to let him feel that somehow i feel a bit the same way. and then fate took its part, where it bought us together once again. during my unexplainable summer. but now, i took the risk, i said to myself, that for once i want to be secure, something i did not feel in the past. and so my journey with him started. at first it was an incredeble feeling. being with someone you know you care for and who cares for you more than what you can give. but despite my true urge of happiness at the moment, i did not see the road ahead. the road in which i was afraid to conquer with him. i failed to open my eyes to a much more bigger problem than i thougt we would have. because i studied far far away from him. but because i was happy at the moment i then set to realize that i want to continue this feeling. so when i arrived here i was happy, secure, knowing that there is someone who is willing to take his time of and just talk to me. but as my time speeds up here, school loads have become a burden. i felt slowly drifting from the happiness i once felt. is it because of me or him? the way i felt for him was so strong that i was blinded by the fact that i did not know him completely. i know him during our senior year, but what about his freshmen year at college? was he the same or was he different then? when i got here, i felt something lacking, i felt something lacking from him. he was not open to me. or hard to say so was i. yes, he would text me everyday, but the things that he says was something that everybody would say "the usual". he would ask me how was my day, or do i feel tired, or just the same old questions everybody asks me when they've got nothing to say. he would not tell me things that he encountered. but i guess it was also because of me that he's like that. because i myself admit that i separate my life back there form here. i would never tell him stories about my day, because i know that my day revolves around my crushes. which is of course partly forbidden for me. I WAS UNFAIR. i am not proud of it but i admit i am. i let myself get consumed by my day to day crushes. i made myself forget that i should not let myself. i know i am wrong. and iam starting to think that it is not because of him i am drifting. IT IS BECAUSE OF ME. i let myself drift to something unappropriate for me. i let myself be consumed by my attraction to my crushes. i let myself slip through that port hole of happiness i once felt. but i guess he didnt even noticed that i was slipping into something unreal. he didnt even tried to ask me how i am feeling right now emotionally. we have lost the spark. you know, the spark!? iam confused. i dont want to give up yet because people might think that i gave up when i arrived here. but i dont feel it anymore. NOW i asked god for help. i asked him wether or not should i let go or should i hold on? and i am afraid for HE answered: that i should let go. but how? i know he loves me. but i dont know if i love him anymore. i am afraid that karma might take its toll against me again. i am so afraid of letting him drift and regret it in the end. but i dont feel the uphorian feeling i once felt. i am drifting, i am drifting into my dreams and leaving the real thing behind.inked by alex at 10:12 PM
Thursday, June 22, 2006
anthropology, uh-what?.
anthro what?just one week trough we are given with one hell of a task!
ask me something about anthropology? err. i dont know! we where given this whole homework thing that NONE of us understands. and not to mention health care demonstrations. whew! school works been pilling up. =) anyway just dropped by to say i!OLA! everybody. hehe
cant blog much na, coz its been hell here! hope i could write something that has much more sense than this post. haha-!
anway: WORLD CUP UPDATES:
june 25 ENGLAND vs. ECUADOR at 17:00 local time!
* sana makapnood ako! huhu. and oh yeah! anybody who wants to know, MICHEAL OWEN (# 10 in the England squad and plays for Newcastle United), just suffered a knee injury and will be missing out the rest of the cup! argh. too bad for england. anyways. allez pour le but l'Angleterre!
and: FORMULA ONE UPDATES:
2006 Canadian GP this weekend!!
* err. hope KIMI and mclaren may work it up there! coz they havent won a single race "yet". oh, i really do hope that they'll pull all strings here. haha. even though i might not be able to watch the race because of some TECHNICAL PROBLEMS!. my loves to kimi and mclarem. =)
ta-ta! (sorry for such a nonsense entry, cant think much. kasi busy with skul and stuff.)
inked by alex at 1:23 PM
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
the next days euphoria.
since i started my new semester, with a lot of pain in the butt and pain in my feet! like i said, my first day was such a long stretch! it was unbelievable that it had been only one day. i felt so dead tired. err! but with all that it was nice. i was just pretty excited about going back to school and all the stuff, because i missed it here (im actually at school). i missed all the pretty boys (ha-ha!) that run around trying to get to there classes. i mean im a girl and if your a girl, ofcourse seeing cute guys around your school makes your day a much more "exciting". haha! dont deny it ladies, because its in our nature (just like guys out there). but ofcoourse if your commited its not a harm to look at another "cute" guy. pero hanggang tingin nalang! oh, here i am again talking about my crushes... like yesterday, i was with my friends walking along the road (destination next class) and then suddenly i saw my uber cute "new" crush (a freshmen actually) lstaring at me! haha. so when i saw him, i stopped talking, and just passed where he was quietly. (which is actually the MOST COMMON thing i do when i see my crush and it is just sort of a give away that HE IS MY CRUSH.) haha. oh anyway, talking about him (or blabbering about him), i just remembered his cute face. which was a pretty sight for me. and actually he REALLY DOES LOOK FAMILIAR. i mean could it be that ive met him before? oh exciting!ta-ta!
inked by alex at 10:01 AM
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
GO ENGLAND!
i was never such an "super" fan of the football i just watch when i catch it on television but the FIFA WORLD CUP? i would not think twice into be a real fanatic for once. but i guess my love for football was "born" when i saw david beckham. im soory, if im just a bit too shallow for liking the game because of a very HOT player, but he really did help to catch my attention. and im also a big fan of zinadine zidane because he's just so good! anyways continuing. im really much a tune to this years world cup, haha!here's few photographs..
sorry blanko kasi utak ko ngayon eh! my first day of school - WAS CHAOTIC.. dont have the energy to talk about it.
adios!
inked by alex at 8:08 PM
Monday, June 12, 2006
my madly little problem.
PROBLEMO OF THE DAY or should i say FOR 5 YEARS?:im still in love with my friend! i mean his the kid i tortured when we were young and when turned out to be an ugly duckling at the start now he's a total i-dont-wanna-say-it type of guy that'll you'd just fall in love with! i was hoping tbat if we'll grow close as "friends", i just might fall out of love with him and see him just an ordinary human being! but no, it turned out to be the excat opposite i fell in love with him more deeper. and sure is i cant understand him! sometimes he gets jelous over some love things i have. but why cant he speak up!? at least i'd know whats on his mind! or maybe this is just a karma!? i this the blow that i must have for torutring him to death before? my friends said that: "yeah! he still feels something for you!" but WHY CANT HE SAY IT? he's been my trusty-barkada since we were in junior high, but does that mean that you cant be in love with your barkada? some my friends of mine said: "he was just to afraid to say something because we were barkadas and we happen to be the class' super-love-team". one minute he's jelous over some ex-bf i have and then the next thing his talking to me about his long lost gf! he's just so unbelievable. of course i give him little hints that i like him, because his the only one i feel "shy" around. ofcourse! i know i shouldn't "hope" from him because he is happy or should i say crazly in love with his current girlfriend. but men! what should i do? tell my heart that i cant hear it? because its him who it beats for! i know, i know, his in love with "her" but please help me with my plea? i am still in love with my friend (i undoubtly know he knows about it) but i know shouldn't be! he has another life with another one but help!! i wish that this madness leave me be!!
inked by alex at 8:50 PM
the end..
its been 6 days since i last posted here. thanks to our isp. (which incidentally cutted off our internet the 2 days before i left for cebu!) which left me on the verge of tears. but need not to worry, i have been playing with this for about 2 months already, which i am quite oversatisfied myself. and ofcourse i have to apologize because i might be able to blog alot now that im back in school. (because i study far away from home) so my so endless internet acess is bye2x. and ofcourse since im taking up a medical course, i might get busy as i ever was, not like my typical summer day, just sitting in front of my pc while blogging, searching for kimi raikkonen, or reading any f1 related stories or designing my new template. ahh. those days were over! my life and my love are cutted out from me! (i guess not totally cutted out). but the limitation is unbelievable! ohh. im gonna miss the summer alright. (i wish this semester would just past by and its summer again!)ahhhh. the end. not a pretty word isn't it? i mean if you get used to doing something and then after a while you'll just have to end it, just like that. its just sad. this summer i had all the experiences i can ever get. one of them is actually a bit bad, because my bestfriend ang her bf broke up! and its because of me!? i mean if you were in my shoes, being a close friend to both of them and then your girl friend confesses that she has a lot of this so-called txtmates and she's falling in love with another man, what would you do? just keep quiet about it? or tell your guy friend so that he can sort it out? besides i only wanted to help my guy friend because he's all to touchy and asks for my help when it comes to the girl, he'll ask me "why doesnt she answers my calls?" or something like that. and ME a friend of both just wanted them to have a good relationship that's why i told him some of the things she said. but as for my side it was all too bitchy i know! i kinda've said to much. which then eventually resulted to their break up! it was such a horror because we 3 were in the barkada and i just cant imagine what would happen to us!? and god i almost melted. but all well ends well (i guess the act being done is not good, but my INTENTION was totally good!) and so blah, blah, blah... they're back together! and ofcourse its because of my cunning POWERS! you at least before i left, i gave them both a really good lesson to learn (because both of them actually cant be without the other! they were so crazyly IN LOVE), that you must not take for granted the person you love! you may not know his importance when he's always around, you'd just feel the blow when he's gone... i really thought that was the end! whew. i guess that was the end of their chapter 1 and theyre now beginning with their chapter 2! good luck to both of youuu..
pardon me. ive just been to attached with my friends because i love them so much! they gave me a heartly farewell gateaway before i left! though we were not complete, but still they bid me their farewell. ooh. im gonna miss them!
love yah guys!
p.s. this is the LAST DAY OF SUMMER!!!!
inked by alex at 5:06 PM
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
mtv movie awards
the mtv movie awards is one of my most awaited movie awards of the year, ofcourse including the golden globe and the oscars.
this year the MMA was held somewhere in california, in culver city. (dont ask me i haven't heard that place, but i guess i saw it on the world map once).
jessica
alba was the sexy host at the event. i think she won the sexiest performance for her role in SIN CITY as the stripper in who bruce willis fell in love with. which was really sexy!.A complete list of 2006 MTV Movie Awards winners:
Best movie: "Wedding Crashers"
Performance: Jake Gyllenhaal, "Brokeback Mountain."
Comedic performance: Steve Carell, "The 40-Year-Old Virgin."
On-screen team: Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson, "Wedding Crashers."
Villain: Hayden Christensen, "Star Wars: Episode III-Revenge of the Sith."
Breakthrough performance: Isla Fisher, "Wedding Crashers."
Hero: Christian Bale, "Batman Begins."
Sexiest performance: Jessica Alba, "Sin City."
Fight: Angelina vs. Brad Pitt, "Mr. & Mrs. Smith."
Kiss: Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger, "Brokeback Mountain."
Frightened performance: Jennifer Carpenter, "The Exorcism of Emily Rose."
mtvU student filmmaker award: Joshua Caldwell, "A Beautiful Lie."
Silver Bucket of Excellence: Spike Lee, "Do the Right Thing."
MTV Generation Award: Jim Carrey.
inked by alex at 11:09 AM
Saturday, June 03, 2006
echeboreche-chuvaekek-ticklebaby
I got it from vicky from keii.three names you go by:
1. alex.
2. kamille.
3. kamz.
three screen names you have had:
1. beachbeaux.
2. RinoaAngeL.
3. goddess.
three physical things you like about yourself:
1. eyes.
2. hair.
3. feet.
three physical things you don't like about yourself:
1. lips.
2. big tummy!.
3. legs.
three parts of your heritage:
1. pilino.
2. chinese.
3. isang red blood cell na español.
three things that scare you:
1. WOOOOOORMS.
2. my dad kapag nagalit.
3. ghosts
three of your everyday essentials:
1. kuwarta.
2. pagkain.
3. suklay.
three of your favorite musical artists as of now:
1. the calling.
2. alanis morissette.
3. amel larrieux.
three of your favorite songs:
1. if only - the calling.
2. 1000 words - jade.
3. iris - goo goo dolls.
+ (may pang-apat para masaya)
4. make me whole - amel larrieux.
three things you want in a relationship:
1. HONESTY.
2. love (syempre).
3. loyalty.
three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:
1. eyes.
2. hair.
3. the way he talks.
three of your favorite hobbies:
1. reading.
2. surfing the net.
3. blogging.
three things you want to do really badly now:
1. go to church, (honestly).
2. umalis ng bahay.
3. talk to him.
three careers you're considering/you've considered:
1. be FORMULA ONE DRIVER!.
2. or a neurologist.
3. a medical technologist.
three places you want to go on vacation:
1. monaco.
2. zurich.
3. boracay.
three kid's names you like:
1. io bellatrix marie.
2. gabrielle arabella beaux.
3. antoine alexandre.
three things you want to do before you die:
1. watch a formula one race.
2. visit monaco and zurich.
3. get married & be rich!.
three ways that you are stereotypically a boy:
1. i love formula one racing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
2. i love any online or offline games!.
3. i curse a lot =(.
three ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
1. i love cuties.
2. i make pa-kikay.
3. (now) im a bit body concious.
three celebrity crushes:
1. KIMI RAIKKONEN.
2. hayden christensen.
3. david beckham!
inked by alex at 2:39 PM
Friday, June 02, 2006
guilt.
... i said to much.but why am i guilty?
my intentions were good.
i just wanted things to be okay.
does it have to be my fault?
because i told him?
or is it her fault,
because she did it?
i told him the things she told me.
i know im a bitchy friend
but my intentions are clean.
its like a word vomit.
i cant stand it,
it spilled.
it was for the good
argh! i hate myself.
i only wanted to help.
im sorry okay!
but why things now are worse?
is this suffering i must bear?
or a punishment for my misdeed?
help. *echo* help?
(p.s. sorry sa mga wrong grammar. i just cant gather my thoughts. )
